Light in the Loafers
by Bisexual Pygmy
Summary: Yoji and Ken have noticed something odd about Omi
1. Light in the Loafers

Light in the Loafers  
  
One-shot  
  
It was morning. Ken and Yoji sat eating granola, neither one fully awake. Omi, ever the morning person, skipped through the kitchen, grabbing an apple, and continuing down the stairs to the mission room with a cheerful good morning and a wiggle of his short-shorts clad ass. The men at the table watched in stunned silence.  
  
"Hey Ken, you think Omi might be a little light in the loafers?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You know, Testosterone Deficient, Rainbow Bright, Cream Crapper."  
  
(blank look)  
  
"Ass Blaster"  
  
(even more confused look)  
  
"GAY DO YOU THINK OMI IS GAY?"  
  
(Ken turns really red) "No, he couldn't be"  
  
"Think about it. He dresses like a boy whore. And that shirt. Did he steal that from a twelve year old girl? The peasant lace-up thing has been out since the seventies."  
  
"Just because he. . ."  
  
"And he is very girly, all emotional all the time."  
  
"He had a girlfriend"  
  
"Yeah who ended up being his sister. Face it Hidaka, Omittchi likes it up the ass."  
  
"I think you're right. . .I wonder if he needs any help on the mission report. I better go check."  
  
Downstairs. . .  
  
"Am I WHAT?"  
  
"You know, a Pencil Pusher, Colon Cowboy, Fudgepacker."  
  
(Confused look)  
  
"Not Adverse to a Little Man on Man Action."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Gay, are you gay?"  
  
"I don't know I never really thought about it. I don't think s. . ." (words muffled by Ken's tongue being shoved down his throat)  
  
-several hours later-  
  
"On second thought, maybe I am gay."  
  
Smirk "You want to continue this upstairs?"  
  
"Ken-kun, we already did it three times, aren't you tired."  
  
"No"  
  
"Alright then"  
  
-next morning-  
  
Aya and Omi sat at the kitchen table, both silent (Aya because that's the way he is, Omi from lack of sleep) when Yoji came in from a night of clubbing, his mascara was running. He walked over to the fridge and grabbed an Evian, and then staggered up the stairs with his legs a little too far apart.  
  
"Hey Aya, you think Yoji might be a little light in the loafers?"  
  
(questioning glare)  
  
"You know, Anal Reamer, Rump Ranger, Colon Grinding Wonder."  
  
(same expression)  
  
"Performer of Rectal Coitus"  
  
(same expression)  
  
"homosexual"  
  
"Hn, what makes you think that?"  
  
"Isn't it obvious? He dresses like a drag queen. What's with all the midriffs. And the make up. Makeup is for girls"  
  
"He says it makes him look sultry"  
  
"And he is very horny, he talks about sex all the time."  
  
"sex with girls"  
  
"Exactly. You're straight, and you don't feel the need to reassure us every three seconds. Methinks the fag doth protest too much. Face it Aya, Yoji is an Anus-Gibbon"  
  
"Maybe you're right. . .I bet Yoji has a hangover, maybe I should take him some aspirin." 


	2. Willy the OneEyed Wonder Wiener

Sorry, I was doing my philosophy homework, and suddenly my one-track mind jumped to gay euphemisms again and it occurred to me that several people were commenting on how many I had. I was a bit disturbed by this, since my vocabulary has more penis and gay euphemisms in it then it has synonyms for red. I have written a follow-up chapter to my fic in order to better educate that masses, rest assured, even with this chapter, I know a lot more then are posted here.  
  
Short Follow-up chapter  
  
Well this was pretty damn embarrassing.  
  
The Weiss boys had gone to the mall (they had just opened up a new fetish clothing shop) and were heading up the elevator when the power went out.  
  
This wouldn't have been so bad, except the elevator also had a telepath whose name I can't spell so we'll just call him Shu (he came for new sunglasses, Farf {whose name I also can't spell} had destroyed his old ones) and a pair of small girls so the Weiss boys couldn't prove their bravery and manliness by trading insults with him.  
  
Shu decided to entertain himself by peeking into the kittens minds.  
  
He did Aya first, but Aya was glaring at him and purposely thinking about doing painful things, so he gave up.  
  
Omi was thinking about how adorable kittens are and how pretty flowers are and how gorgeous Kenken was, not overly interesting since Shu had always assumed Omi was a Cock Gobbler.  
  
Yoji was having an internal debate over whether his feelings for Aya made him a Split-Ass Mechanic, or just really horny. Shu was a little surprised at this, he had never pictured Yoji as Butt Pirate. He had always thought the clothes were some weird Japanese thing.  
  
Turning to Ken was a bigger surprise however, Ken was biting his lip and looking up at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes. Looking into his mind, Shu saw a very vivid memory of the smallest kitten, naked, moaning. . .and pounding into Ken's willing ass.  
  
Well...damn.  
  
He never would have pictured Omi as the Peach-Popper in the relationship. Omi seemed too small and delicate, if anyone, Shu would have assumed Ken to be the Hole Cork. But as he watched in Ken's mind, the scene shifted through many memories of being violated by Omi's veritable Cockzilla, Omi it seemed was a Throat-Warmer as well as a Crack-Smacker.  
  
Shu watched Ken's imagination jump from memory to memory for the entire hour that they were stuck in the elevator. He was more then happy to be released from his prison by the rescue workers, and forgetting his sunglasses hurried home to relieve some of the tension. Squirmin-Herman the One-Eyed German was getting uncomfortable in those tight pants.  
  
As he was...ahem, well you know, his thoughts drifted to Nagi. Nagi was a lot like Omi. Was it possible that he also had a Fleshy Winnebago the size of a cement truck?  
  
Shu's thoughts were interrupted by Nagi himself, who was standing in the door way, laughing at Shu who had been unconsciously moaning his name.  
  
"I never knew you were a Backside Boffer Shu."  
  
"Actually, I was thinking of Taking it In the Out Hole, are you game? Or are you not used to being the Ankle Spanker?"  
  
"I've played Anal Explorer a few times."  
  
Shu smiled and set out to check his bishonen = Zamboner theory.  
  
(Ahhh it's spreading! Soon there won't be any straight guys left) 


End file.
